Breaking news! Years ago, Boris Johnson used slave labour at 50p an hour

The scandal breaks!  So far my support and faith in our Foreign Secretary has remained rock solid, but the discovery that Boris used slave labour in his youth, paying a measly 50p. an hour to the victim,  forcing her to slave away for hours on end,  left me reeling, my belief system in tatters.

The young victim

The evidence is indisputable.  A trembling “Rachel” revealed on Good Morning Britain that as a vulnerable adolescent, she was forced, against her will to iron Boris’s and Jo Johnson’s shirts every week for a pitiful 50p. an hour!  Bastards!  

Exactly how long the disgusting exploitation lasted isn’t known.   Boris has got massive shoulders and a barrel chest.  Ironing one of his shirts took forever. And Jo Johnson’s nice guy persona is shot to hell.   Shaking with anguish, and white to the lips, I grabbed my massive folder full of Boris info, ripped it into pieces and whispered broken-heartedly “Boris, how could you!”

But hang on!  Rachel is normally pretty feisty, not the sort of woman at all to be exploited by men.  Maybe she did it because she liked ironing!  No, that can’t be right.  As Mayor, Boris drove such a hard bargain, insisting on Londoners volunteering and nailing the big banks for sponsorship,  if Rachel loved ironing, he would have made her pay him the 50p. an hour.  If she had to iron their underpants too, am killing myself.   Am voting Corbo.

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