It’s the booziest night of the year, apart from New Year’s Eve. If you are feeling woozy, or your kids have been to a wild party, there is only one safe way to get home, when you can’t drive.Black cabs know where they are going and will get you there quietly, efficiently and in the shortest possible time. The driver will have had extensive medical checks, involving in depth questions on his medical history, physical and mental, authorised by a doctor who must have had him as a patient for at least 12 months.
So the chances of your driver being the terrorist slasher, who saw demons, but was still given a licence to driver an Uber cab are zero.
Your driver will be one of an elite group, the best drivers in the country. He is bound to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of London. He will be happy to leave you in peace, if you have a stonking headache, or will chat to you if you are in the mood. He will, through listening to the radio, and talking to his passengers, be a fund of knowledge on most subjects, he is savvy and street-wise. He is likely to be politically astute, and like all self-employed people, an independent thinker.
He is so responsible and reliable, you can, as Zac Goldsmith said, happily pop one or all of your children into his cab and know, without a shadow of a doubt, they will be totally safe.
Should you be mad enough, as I once did, to drop your purse in his cab, stuffed with £20 and £50 notes, the likelihood is, once you have left his cab and are whimpering at home, he will turn right round and drive all the way back to your house. He will return your purse, and flatly refuse to take a penny, when you hysterically offer him £50 in gratitude, or even take the petrol money, while gently chiding you to be more careful next time.
He will be a black cab driver. Give him a big tip, he deserves every penny.