Empty vessel Ed Miliband is going to be unblocked

A speech from Ed Miliband that image doesn’t matter sounded pretty silly because voters know he paid David Axelrod a six figure sum to yes, update his image. But the whole plan was dealt a death blow by a report today that Ed is not only hiring a voice coach, he is employing Paul Jamieson, a theatre producer, who claims to “unblock” his clients to harness his leadership powers.edsneerMr. Jamieson helps people “lose their ego”,  (he will have his hands full with Ed’s superior intellect) and has a proven track record in helping bankers and businessmen get their message across.

Today The Sunday Times reported that Ed had called in an autism expert.

The Mail on Sunday reports: “It has also emerged that Ed Miliband has turned to one of the world’s leading experts on autism, to advise him how to attain “political empathy” with voters.

It might come as something of a shock to voters that Ed has to go to an expert to “learn” how to be empathic, a quality that clearly doesn’t come naturally.  It is also a huge shock that he says he dislikes image based politics, while desperately seeking to burnish his image at vast cost.

Objectively, surely this could all go horribly wrong?  Suppose Ed is unblocked and, as most of us have already suspected, no leadership qualities emerge?  I’m going to be charitable and say we know he won’t be revealed as a raving psycho.  Who is advising Ed?  Are they telling him to say he doesn’t approve of image based politics, while burnishing his image, to make him fall flat on his face?

What would be far more helpful would be if Ed underwent regression therapy to recall his past lives.  If you suffer from claustrophobia for example, you can be cured by accessing your past life to find you died by being buried under rubble.

The camera doesn’t lie.  However hard you pretend to be what you are not, your true nature is inevitably revealed in a million ways you can’t control.   The bottom line is can you deliver?   There is one infallible way that Ed could knock the jokes about his image on the head for good.  He could produce ideas of substance.  He could create brilliant solutions.  He has come up with zip so far, but if he could do that, it wouldn’t matter what funny faces he pulled.

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