How to sort out England in international football

The England football team have the tactical ability to reduce grown men, confident, respected and skilled at all aspects of football to nervous wrecks, figures of fun and shadows of their former selves.  No, that is not what they do to any opposition team, it is how they destroy all England managers.

If only they could   overcome the football teams of Brazil,  Argentina or Germany in the same way!    On the pitch though, in international games, they are the  poster kids for low self esteem, timidity and lack of effort.  Off the pitch, their inventiveness at making excuses is only surpassed by the venom and skill they demonstrate in destroying their current manager, and they saved their best destructive effort for the most professional, talented manager of them all.

Poor Fabio Capello!  When he took over the England team, he was riding high, dignified and respected, a fabulous record of victories behind him, and a carefully crafted technique for honing a team that had a proven success rate.  He had reckoned without the monster egos of England.  Ashley Cole, John Terry, Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand are engaged in a life long love affair – with themselves.  These men are out for number one,  and no doubt consider rugby’s Jonny Wilkinson, with his dedication, work ethic and care for other members of his team to be a blithering idiot.  They have one other obsession.  The massive salaries they are pulling in, inflate their swelled heads to gigantic proportions and blow up their monster selfishness like barrage balloons. 

When Glen Hoddle and Graham Taylor took over as England Manager, the writing was on the wall from day one.  Sven-Goran Eriksson lasted much longer (2001-2006), and he survived by letting the team do exactly what they wanted, tactics that now look a lot smarter than they did at the time. He was reported to have sought the assistance of an Italian mystic, and in the light of recent events, this wasn’t as daft as it seems.

But in Fabio Capello, it seemed that at last we had found a manager with the courage and will power to knock the England team into shape.  Instead of dodging trouble, like Sven, he tackled the team head-on, by laying down stringent rules, no mobiles, no video games, no WAGS during internationals, and they played as they were told. He tried, oh how hard he tried.  In the end, his defeat proved to be the biggest scalp of the England team.  Capello was destroyed by the England players, and they got their revenge by fighting each other, undermining Capello and by producing the poorest England display in a World Cup ever. This effectively  castrated the manager, making sure he would never be a force in World Cup football again.

There is only one answer and one answer alone to this terrible situation.  Bring on the Martin Johnson solution.  Any player who demonstrates lack of team spirit, and lack of commitment to England is kicked out.  No exceptions.

UPDATE:  1st June 2011:  FIFA is in the news and it all reeks of corruption.  Seb Blatter to be given an open field to be Chairman for a fourth time?  It stinks to high heaven.

7 responses to “How to sort out England in international football

  1. They are all absolutely selfish, useless and up themselves.

  2. You have summed up the situation perfectly. The England team don’t want to play. Stick an England shirt on them, and they can’t wait for it to be all over, excuses at the ready. I think the general public now realise exactly the sort of men who make up the England team. Selfish, rotten to the core, it goes on.

  3. It is disgusting how the England team treat their managers, and they know just how to do it too, sneaking to journalists, back stabbing, making trouble, undermining….. horrible.

  4. The England team are wimps in internationals and clearly don’t give a toss about England. They expect huge adulation as their right, whether they play well or not. They are grossly overpaid and all they care about is their egos and the money.

  5. On twitter, @andymeek said:

    @angelneptustar They have been promising this for years though, so I’ll believe it when I see it!

  6. I’ve been told that my solution won’t work, because the remaining team will just take sides, band together, and go on strike against the manager.

    If anyone does this, give them a black mark, two strikes and they are out as well.

  7. You are dead right on this one. They know how to play the manager to perfection, undermining, backstabbing, leaking nasty rumours to the press, and if the manager gets tough, like he did when he sacked John Terry, the team form cliques and fight back that way. It’s impossible. they don’t have any team spirit and sacking one of them for lack of care for England will only result in the others going on strike.

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