In the interest of national security, Boris Johnson bravely came out today to reveal that there might be more than meets the eye behind the disastrous economic policy of ex-PM Gordon Brown.
In today’s Mail on Sunday, Boris Johnson said “No wonder Gordon Brown has vanished after the disastrous deficit left behind by Labour. Does anyone know where he is? Some say he’s gone back to Scotland. Maybe he’s returned to Moscow. Do you reckon he was an agent of deep penetration? Because it’s possible that he was part of some sinister suburban spy ring that’s done a great job of racking up the most horrendous deficit, and we’ve got to sort that out.'”
If anyone would know all about this, it is Boris. His father, the enigmatic Stanley Johnson, has already published his best selling memoirs, but patriotically, he witheld explosive revelations, which would utterly have cast into the shade Lord Mandelson’s paltry disclosures, a mere tale teller’s charter. Yes, it is the real head of MI6, Stanley Johnson of the diabolically devious intellect and iron biceps, who knows the truth – that Gordon cracked under the pressure of being a super-spy and developed multiple personalities, as he deliberately wrecked the UK economy on the orders of his Moscow spymasters.
Plans for Gordon to fake his own death and adopt a new identity were abandoned, and Moscow panicked when trying to find a substitute to carry on their plans. Gordon was simply too out of control to make this plan feasible, and his cover was totally blown.
Stanley Johnson was called in to turn Gordon into a double agent, a strategy that was known to be highly risky. Stanley had been successful in turning other spies, but so adept was he in gaining mental ascendancy over the traitors, that they had formed desperate dependencies on him, seeing him as a love object. One such case was ex-minister Michael Howard.
Money grubbers such as Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson might rush to appear in print as soon as they leave office. One thing is for sure, Stanley Johnson, a patriot to the end, will never, ever reveal what he knows.