Well, they are at the starting post. There is a month to go and it’s going to be brutal. Apparently some people still don’t know what they think, so to help them make up their minds, here is the Boris Johnson guide to the election.
Boris on Gay Rights.
Journalist to Boris Johnson: “Have you ever had a homosexual experience?”
Boris Johnson: “Not yet.”
Boris on Harriet Harman.
“…. if and when Hattie takes over from Gordon Brown as leader of the Labour Party, the Tories will be able to stop fund-raising and get on with some truly radical and innovative policies, because Labour will be out of office for a decade at least. Will Hattie just put on her leopardskin accessories and stomp and jingle through the City, waving her calabash rattle….”
“She is a solicitor and ……she can sometimes be perfectly pleasant and rational.”
Boris on Damian McBride.
“I don’t want to think about him. There is a large part of me that does not want to read another sentence about this lately exploded pustule on the posterior of the British body politic.”
Boris on Gordon Brown.
“Gordon Brown has lots of things going against him. He’s a nail biting, gloomadon popping, anxious, high taxing, high spending, bossing, nannying, interfering kind of Scot.”
Boris on Nick Clegg.
“With his purple ties, his neat grey suits and his air of youthful earnestness, he’s like some cut-price edition of David Cameron hastily knocked off by a Shanghai sweatshop to satisfy unexpected market demand.”
Boris on the Lib Dems.
“The Lib Dems are not just empty. They are a void, within a vacuum, surounded by a vast inanition.”
Boris’s view on what the country needs. (from his speech at the Tory Conference, 2005).
“We can be as nice as pie, we can take our ties off and break dance down the esplanade and all wear earrings and the rest of it. It won’t make any difference to the electorate if they don’t think we are going to offer a new and improved, basically Conservative approach to government.”
Boris on Sir Fred Goodwin of the RBS.
“With his cheeky-chappie smirk and a 12-bore crooked irritatingly over his arm, this is the man who has come to incarnate all the worst vices of the financial services industry. Sir Fred has become the epitome of the bankers who collectively occupy a place in public opinion significantly lower than cannibalistic paedophile global-warming deniers.”
Boris to Paxo: “You chose to be a journalist. Why don’t you get yourself a proper job? Instead of sitting around telling politicians what to do the whole time. It’s outrageous, you’re paid staggering sums by the tax payer. You are paid elephantine sums by the taxpayer.”
Boris’s view of David Cameron.
Paxo: “Nobody knows what David Cameron stands for.”
Boris: “I don’t think that is true. I do think people know what David Cameron stands for and one of his achievements as party leader has been to bring harmony to the Tory Party. He has “alchemized a position of more or less glutinous consensus”. Which is a pretty good achievement.”
Paxo: “But what is David Cameron like as a person?”
Boris: “He is a Grade A bloke.”
Paxo: “You have drunk champagne with him….”
Boris: “David Cameron is an extremely serious and committed, young, dynamic politician who will make a very good Prime Minister. Inequality under Labour has greatly expanded and greatly increased. He is a first rate chap and a very good guy and will give the people of this country the leadership they are crying out for.”