The ineffable Simon Cowell

Mr. One and Only leaves Idol.

Simon Cowell has said he is going to leave American Idol and there are many who think that the show just won’t be the same without him.  Simon has never met with unmixed appproval though. New American Idol  judge, Ellen de Generes, says “Simon is meaner than I thought!” Say what?  Don’t you watch the show, Ellen?

This is the man who remarked to one wannabe, dressed too young for her age “You’re too old to be a barbie doll, sweetheart”.  His tongue is so sharp, his nickname is “The Bacon Slicer”.  According to Simon’s brother Tony, Simon was a little snot from the word go.

The Early Nasties:  Rude Boy.

Aged four to his mother, who was wearing a new fur hat.  “Mum, you look like a poodle”.

Aged six to thespian Trevor Howard at a family party.  “I don’t like actors”.

Judging X Factor

To camp Essex lad, Darren. “You look like Princess Diana and you can’t sing. I am not going to lie to people just because it makes them feel good. I’m doing you a favour, you are wasting your time.”

To boy band G4.  “You all look like bankers.  Totally boring.  I’m absolutely gob smacked.  You could sell a lot of records”.

To twenty-two stone Rik Waller.  “The biggest moaners are always the fat people”.

On American Idol.

To an unfortunate contestant. “You sound like a ship sinking.  Your confidence far exceeds your ability”.  Then after, boos from the crowd “If you were singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you”.

To another contestant.  “I will give your singing a 2, but will give your pouting a 9.5.”

Simon Cowell on Simon Cowell.

To a cringing contestant.  “If you want to gain more confidence, watch how I behave”.

An announcement to the US media. “When I die, I have decided to have myself cryptogenically frozen. The pain of my death otherwise would overwhelm too many people, my loss would be unbearable for them”.  (This last was reported in all seriousness by the entire American press).  Simon may be blunt, but his honesty is widely respected both in the US and in the UK and he knows how to laugh at himself.  He will be missed.

7 responses to “The ineffable Simon Cowell


  2. Simon is really cute and he is also extremely amusing. Idol will flatline without him.

  3. Simon IS meaner than Ellen thought. That’s what we like though.

  4. American Idol is so over. Simon is leaving and it will be nothing without him. This season is dull as ditchwater. That singer with the guiter, Corinne whatever has NO personality.

  5. That Mezghane is a lucky girl.

  6. Simon Cowell is amusing.

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