Boris Johnson debated with Alan Johnson, as Policy Exchange hosted a debate to argue the merits of Proportional Representation. Boris’s speech was so screamingly funny, Conservative Home printed the speech in full.
Continually referring to Alan Johnson as “my cousin Alan”, Boris said the best thing for Labour would be the speedy removal of Gordon Brown, “who waits, muttering with his head in his hands like Marlon Brando at the end of “Apocalypse Now”.
He referred to the “ludicrous rubber dagger plots” of Hoon and Hewitt. “Not since the waters retired from the face of the earth has this country seen such a display of protoplasmic invertebracy”. “It is hard to believe that any system could produce a government more feeble. more indecisive, more racked by internal feuding and division”. And on and on he went, reducing his audience to tears of hysterical laughter. The Mayor concluded by saying “Hewitt blew it. Hoon’s a buffoon,(…) they had their opportunity and they fluffed it”.
Needless to say, Boris won the debate, (by a marrow margin). Truly, this man must be the wittiest, most profound orator of our age.